Losing one close to you is never easy, and it takes some time for one to deal with it. However, contrary to popular belief, time alone is seldom enough to cure these kinds of emotional scars on its own. There are some things that you can and should do in order to help yourself heal and many people in this situation found them to be quite effective. Now, even though death doesn’t play by rules and doesn’t keep up to a schedule, there is a fat chance that in your lifetime you will have to escort both of your parents to a Sweet Hereafter.
With this in mind, here are some tips on how to deal with a death of a parent.
Flood of emotions
Perhaps the most curious thing about grief is that you will be flooded with emotions in the weeks after the demise of a loved one. However, it is the spectrum of emotions that you will experience, which will be truly something special. For example it is not strange in such situation for one to feel both anger and sadness in the same day. In some cases, especially if parent was ill prior to passing away, some may even feel a slight relief. All of this is normal and one should never hide from their feelings in a situation like this. What you can and should do is embrace everything that comes along and let it stay as long as it takes. Only in this way, will you be able to carry on in the right way.
Accept what you cannot change
As American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr once said in his Serenity Prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” After the death of a loved one, those who are left behind often express remorse for things they did or did not say, but all of this should be left in the past. Some things in life simply cannot be changed and the only way to deal with these situations is to accept this notion. Regardless of what kind of relationship you had with your folks, there must have been a no small amount of good memories and this is what you should cling on to.
Getting some closure
Even though some claim, that funeral is nothing but a ceremony, this is far from truth. In fact, if arranged properly it allows some people to get a full closure and say their final farewell. In fact, in a recent interview with people behind funeral homes Sydney, it came to our attention that hosting a well-organized and touching funeral actually helps some people cope with this whole situation. Because of this, one can safely claim that funeral ceremony is not meant for dead but to help living get some closure.
Surround yourself with people you love
Nobody said that this is something you should face alone. Once a tragedy alike strikes, there will be a number of people around you offering their help and their support. Needless to say, you should never turn down their helping hand. Try to realize that these people hate to see you suffer and that by allowing them to be there for you, you are actually doing them a favor as well. Having a close-knit group of people around you is something that can help you deal even with some of most difficult moments out there.
In the end, life goes on. Death is a part of life and it gives it its full value. Although nobody likes to talk about it, the truth is that situations like this happen from time to time and burying your head in the sand and pretend that it couldn’t happen to you serves nobody’s benefit. What you need to do in a similar moment is muster all your courage and try to find a way to carry on. In time, all of this grief and pain will go away and all that you will be left with will be only the best memories.
Our family came home from the funeral of our youngest brother and everyone went to work making fajitas. The was great because it gave everyone something to do. My Dad was the only one who didn’t join in because he was amazed at what was going on. Normally, he would sit there and direct the fixing of the meal, mostly telling us a better way to do everything. This time he was transfixed with all the activity and every one working so well together.
After dinner and cleanup, we all gathered in the living room and looked at pictures from albums and boxes that was all of us growing up. We talked about our brother, laughed, and cried. it was so cathartic. Now, when I think about his death, I don’t think about the chapel, the service, or the burial, I think about the celebration of his life by our family with a smile.